The Official Website of Felicia Day

Agony is fun!

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So, I had a panic attack on Friday. It was lovely. At the end of a long journey of auditions, I definitely had a panic attack in front of about 25 “important” people. I’m sure they didn’t know I was about to black out, they only saw a very nervous actress. Which is about as bad. I didn’t get the job, suffice it to say.

Auditioning is probably the worst thing in the world. I can’t imagine a more painful process. I tend to be hyper sensitive about everything, so the possibility of rejection or humiliating myself in front of people always threatens to trump what really should be happening: bringing my joy to acting. But the business of acting is always behind it: That I will lose they job by the way I look, that they won’t like my take on the character, that I’ll lose my confidence and my brain will betray me by making my hands shake or my voice shoot into dog-hearing territory. Squeak.

The lesson I would like to take from what happened to me last week is this: I cannot betray myself again by caring so much about pleasing other people. I can only do what I find joyous, and if they don’t like it, then I wish them good luck with their other choices. But by wanting to please people so bad, I abandoned my own artistic interpretation, hell, I forgot the words I’d said hundred of times. All because I wanted them to like me.

Never again 🙂

  • Yikes. From one actress to another, I send you good thoughts and am sure next time will be better. Break a leg, and do it for YOU! Stay determined!

  • Yay! Thanks for the support, and being the first comment on my blog 😀

  • You’re welcome. 🙂

  • Cappadocia

    the funny thing about panic attacks is that most of us get them at some point (particularly sensitive souls), but people rarely admit it or talk about them, so when people first get em they often think they’re dying or going nuts. so kudos for your candor!

  • 6502

    So then this was the start of your journey? Awsome.

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